Tina ramifications

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OH GOSH.  For the first time ever non-private (blog parlance, if you know what that means).

I enjoy writing.  Compelling topics I have little control over are the best.  The hardest part is to not bash anyone, yet do what you have to do.

This is going to need many revisions before I am happy with it.  Maybe it will never end at all.

You’re So Vain, and others.  I always liked Tom Rush’s No Regrets.  I think it is a happy song.  Whew!  Are they about missing out on someone?  Of course.  Some.  But they are very much about other things too.

And this is different.  It was only about possibilities.  It never was.  It is only about yourself.

This person is so paranoid she believes anything on the internet is a multi-state conspiracy against her.  That’s actually how it began.  It is not a grey area; post on the web–in other words, acknowledge it–and it is over.  Everyone will read it and her son’s life will be destroyed.  Don’t worry, I have said before, no one is going to see it.  It is just what I have to do.

*    *     *

The #1 lesson in online dating is never assume the other person wants to be just friends.

The hardest thing to write in online dating is the not going to happen or let’s be friends email.  Most people don’t do it.  It is cowardly, and it can hurt people’s feelings.  You only need to do it if you hurt people’s feelings and you care about it.

People expect (prompt) replies.  Not prompt could be viewed as the no reply break-up.

Gee, I don’t know, or I’m busy, are probably going to be misinterpreted.  It can also be hard to do.  No reply means no go.

That is kind of crummy, even if it is a normal person, but if you want you can do it.

Here’s one reason it gets complicated.  I view it as 50/50.  If I were a woman I would view it as 50/50 because here really is an opportunity to do much more than just sit there and wait.  But many women do not, they will not contact men and they may expect to be treated differently; I mean, still kind of hiding.

You can always tell the new ones, especially the new and attractive women–they will get a lot of mail and it goes to their head.

Everyone with some experience in online dating knows they go as fast as they come.

I need to invent a woman and go online…  I’m sure it has been done.  I am not going to do that.  I don’t know how many messages women receive, or how worthwhile they are.  I have been told quite a few times it is slim pickings.

Women, and maybe men, want dates.  The experience above said to me, if we date you will like me and you will adapt.  Let’s just go out.  Then all the divorces, kids, pets, and job complaints will go away.  (Gifts, great things, but.)

Gawd is this a rationalization.  Every situation is different.  Time and intimacy–there is no intimacy–make a difference.  Some people don’t need a reply at all.  Some may deserve a no and reason.  Others may…  It is pretty hard to get it right.  Maybe it is because they see it as a real thing.  They’re real hurt when its over.  They perpetuate it.  We’re talking about the desirable women.  They are used to traffic–mail.

So…  The above woman, Trina, is extremely experienced in online dating.  She likes to play with phones and websites.  She has little idea there is a real person on the other end.  When you live in Bozeman, Montana you have to reach out further.  And if you are a great catch in Bozeman you probably are not going to find what (who to the rest of us) you want locally.

(You live in Bozeman and you are and want to be a big shot…  That is the deep, dark secret.  I was so cautious to be considerate, because that is where it becomes cut to the bone insults.  You can’t change where you have lived for the last 26 years, even with a 100-acre temple and $5 million sport fishing yacht.  (OMG, the generators are in the wrong place!)  It is called enculturation.  If you are a complete egotist it will be harder to recognize.  If you remain isolated, and only listen to people you hire, or tell you what you want to hear, it will be harder still.)

So you have to do something.  This woman is so into herself and her combustible lifestyle (I’m under siege), and then factor in what and who (i.e., culture), and it was impossible.  Imagine a woman, who, after nineteen lawsuits, still thinks it is all because her ex-husband still loves her.  Doesn’t he even have another girlfriend or wife?  I divorced him.  If I had wanted him to divorce me I would have done something…  I divorced him and he still loves me.

I knew she couldn’t handle my wanting to uplift the situation and remain friends.  I did it for me.


so, you have to tell people the truth.  I have to make the effort.  You have to take 30 minutes to send a note.



the bio thing



The bottom line is I do miss the online dating relationship.  I liked it that she was, provocative, is the best way to put it.  Energy.  Different world (kids, Montana, courts).  I liked that it was distant and not all-consuming, like living with someone.  I was OK with, and at times it was even fun, arranging to meet at neutral places.  I liked that it was a daily greeting.  She often had a problem and it was engaging; she would seldom tell me the whole story or listen to my input, but it was stimulating.  On the surface–we were unable to go deeper (lifestyle, communication snafus)–she was great.


It wish there could have been more compassion and attention.  I liked the lack of phony compassion or sexual innuendo.

She came off as rational sometimes.

Real accomplishments–patent, own company, very successful property development

Strong desire to do more–energy, legal efforts

Remember the thing about the awkward, engineer personality?


secrecy; inability to manage kids and me; non-stop ex animosity; always prompt with texts and email but brief, sporadic, and at times infuriating–no way to finish a conversation; no way to progress.  Didn’t follow

There was no way that the acrimony, custody fight would end.  For many years, there really was nowhere to go.  Again we never got there because of constant communication problems.


She’s a millionaire.  She’s very attractive.  We have a huge match percentage.  She is successful (company, patent, degree).

she is not informed on current events, sports,