Posted by (EDIT: Relax. Who’s going to see it?)
What would I do if I were in that position?
The situation is that of an ex-spouse constantly fighting the other ex-spouse, largely over an 8-10 year-old son. This divorce is her doing (if I wanted him to divorce me…) and is her second. She wants male companionship and to get on with her life.
I do not think I would be in this position, but that is not an answer. I have not done it (yet), marriage and children because the opportunity has not been perfect. I view them both as life-long commitments (hopefully in some form).
Finding a “loophole” is not a concept I would apply. It just does not gel with my make-up. I do not think that way. There is a real personality difference there.
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I really thought about this a lot. It is a very tough situation. A real option would be to give up and go on with my own life. My own unaltered life.
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It sounds frivolous or even like a platitude. I think I would stay home and watch the World Series with my son. And I think I would be there, maybe even in spirit only, for his birthday, Halloween, and the whole week.
I would forget about 4-5 dates a week, private planes, surfing and muscle toning, and waking up at 4 AM. I would be home, (cell) phone and email on.
(Yes I have been called more introspective than most people. I think I would reach the conclusion that I need to change.)
Too cryptic? A solid year-round home and always available.
Finding a boyfriend or even new husband if fine too. That maybe is not such a good idea until I deal with my own problems first. And then, that will not work unless I am available and totally up-front with him. (No loopholes.)
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There must be a novel or movie about it somewhere. Remember the Robert Redford character in Three Days of the Condor, whose job was to read novels and enter their plots in a database? That would be a good job. It is an interesting question. So if I get divorced I only have to be a parent half time?
The other that sticks out immediately is doing something intentionally to end it. It was the first time I have ever heard that (and twice). Maybe it is human nature and we all do it, even unintentionally.
It is fun, if you keep it in perspective. I learned a ton, specifically narcissism and love, and seeing it as the other person, as represented by a child. More on that later.